Every morning, the first thing I do after waking up is reach for my phone. I want to check what the time is – even though I won’t remember once I check my messages. The first person that I usually text is my boyfriend, let’s call him Bob. Bob is loving, caring, funny, ambitious, and sexy. He takes great care of himself, and that’s why his six-pack is all over his Instagram page (relax, I’ll keep my boep sucked in). Bob is also polyamorous, which means that he is capable of loving more than one person at a time, and that’s okay with me. Since we’re in a long-distance relationship, our morning chats usually revolve around the quality of the previous night’s sleep. I can’t confirm or deny that my sleep is worse than a certain radio station’s 8 to 10 AM slot.
Anyway, it was all fun and games until one reply left me with a new haircut. That’s right, Bob snatched my edges and then proceed to scalp me.
“My boyfriend’s stepmother passed away.”
Now, I don’t have a stepmother, so he definitely wasn’t referring to me. I didn’t know whether to feel like:
I was shook!
Bob has a whole other boyfriend that I knew nothing about.
“Uhm, but you said that he is polyamorous, so what’s the issue?”
Well, the issue is that when I entered into a relationship with him there was absolutely no mention of another boyfriend in this relationship. Depending on how you look at it, his mistake was not informing me about his relationship status, or my mistake was not asking about his relationship status. Either way, I have the kind of chest pains that cannot be remedied by a teaspoon of cough mixture. I feel like I’ve been lied to. I’m “Becky with the brush cut” (thank you, Beyoncé).
While I’ve never been in a polyamorous relationship (until now, apparently) I understand why people enter into them and I respect that. However, I think we need to remember that there are rules that need to be in place for everyone’s sake.
Firstly, before you introduce someone else to the relationship, check if your current partner is okay with it.
Secondly, make sure that the potential new addition is also okay with it. If everyone is in agreement, you can all have an honest conversation about how you’re going to conduct this relationship in a way that satisfies everyone that is involved.
Most importantly, make sure that your significant others know that you love and respect them. After all, this is a relationship and not a contest (unless you’re part of that reality show where the men [or women] outnumber the roses). Ladies, polyamory is for you too, though I’m pretty sure you already knew that 😉
As for me, I guess I have a lot of thinking to do. In the meantime, I’ll be right here, all by myself…
Hey Rainbows! Happy New Year and all that good stuff!
It’s been a while… ages, in fact. Can you believe it has been just over 2 months? It feels like at least 6!
I am not sorry though. I believe that I told you guys from the beginning that I would not blog for the sake of blogging but, I would would only blog because I felt the need to share something/s with you.
Since the last post what has happened? Continue reading “ViweTafeniBlog : Happy New Year!”
He walks up the stairs to the house in a long blue dress (an Imprint design?). I feel his smile before I even see him. He smiles warmly and takes my hand in both of his and we greet like old friends. He is so humble… it’s like he is my own grandfather. We walk together into the house to his bedroom/study. We laugh and chat along the way as if we’ve known each other for a long time. I tell him how fresh and energetic he seems and he agrees and says he has had lots of energy recently. We meet with my grandmother who prevents someone else from going into his study after he’s gone in. I walk into my bedroom with my grandmother who reprimands me for being so loud in his presence. I tell her that he had made a joke and I couldn’t help but laugh. She also tells me I’m wasting his time. He should have only been there for five minutes. She opens my curtains and the window and leaves me alone in the bedroom. I smile to myself because I spent three minutes walking with one of the greatest men on this planet. I remember that I had just finished chasing a buffalo out of the house moments before I saw him walking up the stairs. How embarrassed would I have been had he seen that?!
Then I wake up and realise that it was all a dream. I’m slightly sad but also happy that I got to walk with him. Even if it was a dream.
You scream and you shout;
You yell and you kick.
You throw your toys out of the cot;
You throw yourself on the floor.
We call it a tantrum.
We say you are bad…
We diagnose you with ADHD.
Ours is the fault.
Mommy and Daddy are not
together as they ought.
They scream and they shout
He walked home…tired, hot and feeling rather lonely on his usual route through the shortcut between the trees which led him directly onto his road. He felt lightheaded, as if he was walking in a dream… his breath short. He could feel the sweat collecting on his upper lip and on his forehead. He strenuously raised his hand to his face and wiped the droplets with the back of his hand.
Eventually, he gets to the door and pulls out his keys and fumbles with the lock. His eyes drop to the ground and he notices a box next to the door. He wasn’t expecting a delivery. He tries to recall when last he used his credit card. It was last month when he urgently needed a new jacket for an event at work. The urgency wasn’t that he found out about the event at the last minute but rather that there would be a lot of young men attending.
Finally! He opens the door, picks up the box and walks into the kitchen. There is no writing or card on the box. Strange, he thinks to himself. He sets his bag down and takes off his jacket then walks to the cutlery drawer and pulls out a sharp knife. Inside the box he finds a plain white card; he pulls it out and opens it. It reads:
“This is for tonight! Hope you’re ready for an amazing time!”
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! He forgot that he had arranged a date with some guy he was chatting to online. Why did it have to be tonight? Why did he go online when he was that horny?! He looks around. Everything is in its place; the joys of living alone. He decides to have a shower before cooking supper. He kicks off his shoes and throws them towards his bedroom door and makes a left into the bathroom. Continue reading “A short story about loneliness.”
Hi Blog Buddies! Can you believe that it has been over a month since I last posted something? I can’t – it feels far longer! It has been a necessary torture though. After I published Gay at an all boys school things got pretty hectic.
Firstly, that article reached a lot of people around the world! Secondly, my mind and body actually started dealing with the incident – almost a year later. After getting over the initial spike in adrenalin levels and the emotional-overload of having exposed so much about myself as well as others’ experiences recounted to me, I felt so much pain. From the top of my head to the tips of my toes, my body felt pain. I guess my systems went into some sort of ‘shock’.
One GP, one Life Alignment practitioner and two Chiropractor visits, as well as a week off work, later I was well enough to keep going. I also took some time to think about where I want to take my blog, why I was writing and who I was actually writing for. These are questions I am still asking myself and will continue asking with every article that I write.
Even through all of this I do not regret publishing my experience, and knowing that I have started a desperately overdue process and conversation makes it all the more worthwhile. I also learnt that I did not need to be hard on myself for not being able to function at the same capacity as I was prior to “not being well”. We are human; we are allowed to feel and to be affected. This will be my mantra from now on. At this point in time, I do not wish to say anymore online about the incident or anything related to it. Conversations have been started.
With regards to my writing: there are some exciting news I will be sharing with you all really soon, so keep checking back AND if you are not already following my Blog or my Twitter do so right now! 🙂
Finally, I would like to encourage anyone with any information about sexual abuse/harassment at #QCBHS to, please, contact Lt-Col Melody Oranje on tel: 0458077809/10 or mobile: 0824418505.
Because I needed to remember this.
Because he needed to know that he survived!
Because he was the one I needed to reach!